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That's me in the corner, losing my religion...

Some days this job is so hard. No amount of soothing music, coffee, snacks, socks off etc. manages to bring your head back into that "special place", some call it the "zone". Today is one of those days. Perhaps it stems from the fact that I find myself having to work on something that is just looking pretty pointless right now. Not even the fact that it's Erlang seems to be lifting my spirits today, not even the fact that I don't have to touch PHP with a barge pole is even raising a smile.

So what is the difference between a "good day" and a "bad day" as a developer? You'd think that after twenty-six years doing it I'd have some idea.

I think it relates to a sense of purpose and corresponding sense of achievement. When you perceive that your efforts are actually not going to be in vain; when you perceive that you are being "useful", "effective" and ultimately that you as a person are being "valued" then I think that is what makes a good day on the job. That sense of satisfaction is hard to beat, on any job, I am sure. After all, most people have to work and so why would you choose to continue to do something that didn't make you feel like that?

A bad day on the job... like today! Ha. So much for job satisfaction today. Even the raw simplicity of Erlang cannot move me today. I don't know what the problem is. There is some personal stuff, my mum is not very well, she's beaten non-Hodgkins lymphoma twice but we are all a bit nervous because she's been a bit unwell for a few months. She has low blood count and white blood cells and we are all hoping against hope that at the age of 72 is hasn't come back.

I am not a religious person. I have no God to pray to. Don't feel sorry for me. I came to that standpoint from over thirty years of examination of the world around me, reading and introspection. We are what we are in a reality we don't understand much about. That's all anybody can say about it really.

I honestly believe that religions are memes; the result of brain-washing children by parents. Don't be offended; brain-washing has negative connotations I know but if done with the best of intentions then it cannot really be attacked too much. Parents love their children, mostly. I know I love my son but I choose not to blindly and ignorantly fill his head with things that cannot be proven in a scientific way.

"Where faith starts reason stops."

I cannot recall who first uttered those words but how true they are. I spent two years working at a religious charity and I am still not convinced to become a "believer" of any chosen faith. I was once asked by a guy there, who I am still acquainted with by the way, asked with some incredulity and disbelief in fact, the following question,

"How on Earth do you get out of bed every day without faith in The Lord?, that must be awful. God bless you."

I was so stunned by that question that I just didn't answer it. It would have been pointless anyway, you cannot reason with people of faith. Especially creationists.

I can get out of bed everyday and I can know that one day there will be a day that exists without me in it. I can "live" just fine knowing that one day I won't "live". That whatever I am will one day cease to exist. That's how it's always been and will always be. Quantum physics may hold The Truth for us non-believers but remember that most of what we know about that hasn't changed since the fifties. Some progress here and there but overall we are just as confused about what, why, when and who we are as we've ever been!

I feel better now.




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